its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
