I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
