His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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