yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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