I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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