So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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