It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
