I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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