Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
