Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
