Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
