Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
