we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
