When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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