I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
