I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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