you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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