I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
