College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
