i would punch a child for taco bell
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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