You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
