What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
