I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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