Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
