you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
