There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
