Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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