I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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