I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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