my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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