Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
try to milk me bitch
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