meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
