I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
