I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
