this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
