woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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