if you like me you must not know who I am
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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