He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
