Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
