I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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