Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
