Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
