plz talk dirty to me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
