i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
