Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
