I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
