the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
