the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
