I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
