Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
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