I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
