i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
