I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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