I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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