so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
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You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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