can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
