this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
