If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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