miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I need a burrito and a hug.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Randomize
