Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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