she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize