She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
