I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
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I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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