your parents love me but you hate me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
