I accidentally had phone sex last night
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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