I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
