There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
