i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
