Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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