Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
