btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
