you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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